Thanks, Me!

Buffalo Dip!

In the spirit of Thanksgiving and posting what I'm thankful for I've decided to write this post. As usual, it's been a minute since my last confession as life, work, family, the gym, and everything have simply gotten in the way. In the way of what? Well, quite frankly,in the way of ME.

So, as odd as it may sound, today, I am thankful for me. Yap, in case you missed it, here it is again: I. Am. Thankful. For. Me!! Of course, I'm thankful for my life, my health, my family, my friends, etc., I've just noticed I've been ignoring the person who matters most. Me! I can't be anything to anyone if I don't take care of myself first.

As I sit here, on Thanksgiving, alone, watching the pilot episode of "Girls" I'm thinking, "I need more of this!" I'm eating tortilla chips and buffalo dip.

While, a big part of taking care of me is cleaning up my diet (more on this later) I'm taking some "me" time right now. I worked out hard this morning and I love just sitting here watching TV. 

I've learned a lot about myself this past year. All of these things are just a part of who I am and I've learned that that's ok. I'm the perfect me that I can be. I'm more than okay with being a work in progress. I'll always work to be my best, at any given time, wherever/whenever that may be. 

I'm writing this because I don't think people understand me. I've tried explaining it but I don't think I've been clear. So, for those of you who are here for the first time or you've known me more, here I am:

1. I try to live in the moment and often fail.  

Last year, or this year... anyway, I cancelled a trip to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. Erika and I needed a vacation, even a short one, and I cancelled my flight because of a case, I thought, I needed to handle. I could've gone but I didn't. I didn't because that's just how I am. I worry so much about everything, all the time. I'm the oldest of 5 kids. It's my job to worry about them and my family, my work, people's feelings, time, the meaning of life, and everything. I just do. Nothing you say will change that. Here are things to NOT say to me:

"Your siblings are negative comment." I love them. 

"Your family is negative comment." Again, I love them.

"Your work will always be there you need to live a little." I have ginormous goals. Go away. 

"Who cares about so and so?" Me, that's who. 

"You can do that tomorrow." Really? Imagine if everyone said that about everything?

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Even if I stop worrying for a while, it'll always come back. It's how I am and I love who I am. I have a trip to Disney planned after Christmas. If I make it through that without calling/texting/IMing Brandon it'll be a miracle.

2. While my ADD/ADHD doesn't define me I accept that it's a part of me. A wonderful part that makes me creative, adventurous and ambitious. 

A few years I was diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. More the ADD, less the Hyperactivity part. In really basic terms, my brain is everywhere, all the time. Focusing is difficult and my attention tends to wander if I don't concentrate or I'm bored. I'm working on it. Lists and schedules help a little. Trying to make things habits helps a ton. I like my schedule because it keeps me organized. Here's what it is: Workout, Work, Sleep. That's it.  It takes me longer than some people to finish projects and I struggle with organization. My schedule is designed to help me keep on top of things. It's not to limit myself from people but sometimes it feels like that to people. If I ever tell you to talk to Brandon about something it's because he manages my calendar. I'm not being a diva, not yet anyway, I just wont remember stuff until it passes.

That being said, some of my most brilliant legal strategies/arguments and marketing/business ideas, come from moments where I'm in a panda suit drinking wine.

3. I NEED the gym and I NEED to eat healthy.

Part of what makes me feel good is structure; however,I thrive in organized chaos. That means structure with a sprinkle or so of adventure.So I work out and I try to eat as healthy as possible with the occasional cider and cupcake. 

The gym fam.

I'm a woman.  I struggle with body image issues. No one just gets over the shit people say to you when you're growing up. I was so unhealthy. Eating disorders, obesity, and stress all impact your body and body image. I'm in a good place now and I'm not going to apologize for taking care of myself with exercise. I prioritize the gym over other things like dinner with friends because it makes me feel good. It keeps me energized for work. It makes me happy.

It's called balance. 

I try to eat clean. Maybe you think eating clean or paleo or whatever I'm doing that specific day is dumb or doesn't make sense. Go fuck yourself. It's my body. I can do whatever I want. If I want to go on the cupcake diet, I can. Unless, I'm paying you to coach me, and there's only one person that I'm currently doing that to, I don't need any advice from you. Ok? Ok! Believe me, I eat shitty sometimes. However,that usually blows up in my face, makes my stomach hurt and makes my workout suck the next few days. God knows I love sweets and new foods but I'll do that when I want to.  It's just usually not worth it. 

4. I love my job and want to work.

Do I want to work all the hours I work? No. I work for two main reasons: 1) I have ambitious goals and 2) I love helping people.  Friends and family always say I work too much. That I need a break. While I totally understand where they are coming from and I know that they are just worried about me or miss me, please understand that it makes me feel bad and guilty about cancelling plans or not hanging out.

I know it's been a while but I'm trying to build something here. I don't just have one business, I have 5-10. Ideas coming and going. Projects started and needing attention. I'm not just a lawyer, I'm an entrepreneur.  I'm not just working for me, I'm doing it for my family and our future. That's my main motivator. Here's a good story about why.

When I was in 6th grade I went to a great school where for 1 weekend, in October, we could go to Camp for the entire weekend. It cost  $50 and everything was included! Food, fun with friends, games, horses, camping and a whole weekend without my siblings and responsibilities. What an adventure! Everyone talked about it before and after the trip! Biggest thing of the year. I didn't get to go on the trip because it was too expensive. I didn't get to do a lot of things when I was a kid because of that. I totally understood why I couldn't go on trips  or play the flute (you have to rent those if you can't buy one out right). That's just how it was growing up.  

I paid for my own homecoming dresses, shoes and hair and a lot of other things that I wanted/needed. That is completely OK with me as its a big reason that I am who I am, today. But, that doesn't mean I've forgotten those things or that I don't worry about ever being like that again.  I constantly see people that can lose what they have any moment. So, I work. I work for me. I work for my family, because I want to. 

I also love helping my clients. I am good at what I do and I'm a fighter. What I do could help someone get their kid out of a bad situation, help someone protect a family member and/or just relieve a client's stressful situation. It matters!  

5. I am a hard worker.

I work hard because I worry and I have these amazing goals. It's just who I am. I'm an all or nothing kind of person. If I'm in, I'm all in (ask my friends I gambled with in Spain). I don't half ass anything. So, when I'm working it's not because I was partying the night before, it's because I want to do a good job. 

6. I need time to myself and that's ok.

My job is people. I talk to people all the time, every day. I also work a lot. I mean; a lot. Like "stay up until 4am trial prepping and taking a 1 hour power nap before trial," a lot. This leads to me being tired. A lot. My family is my life. I take care of my niece and she's awesome. She's also brilliant and WAY smarter than me so she can be exhausting. I don't even have her all the time!

I also workout, a lot. Which leads to more tired. Do you see a theme? I'm freaking tired!

My free time is just that, mine. Sometimes, I want to Netflix and chill, by myself. Sometimes, I'm always gonna pick the gym over people. (See what I did there?) You know why? Because people are selfish. Even when they mean well, they'll come over and talk to me and want something from me, like cookies or a drink or conversation.  Sometimes, I want to lie on my couch and eat paleo cookies and not feel guilty that I don't have Oreos to share with you. Sometimes, I just want to not feel like I need to be a good host and get you a glass of water. Sometimes, I don't want to use my brain and talk to anyone. 

7. I'm an people pleaser and need to say, "no" more often.

Hitting up on number 6. I have been saying "no" more often but I'm a people pleaser. I promise, you'd rather have happy Mayra than sleepy, grumpy Mayra. If you make the latter Mayra come out, she'll hate you. 

8. I'm always going to love food and be chubby and that's ok as long as I'm strong AS FUCK. 

That's kinda it on that one. Apparently, cleaner eating helps with it. It does... lame, I know.


 If you got this far, thank you for being in my life. I love me. I love you. I'm thankful that we can be in each others lives and I'd love nothing more than to just see your wonderful faces. Just remember if I'm ignoring you, it's not that I don't care, I've probably just forgotten, or I'm juggling terribly or I'm tired.  Nothing personal just trying to take care of me, right now, and I hope that's ok. :)