Fierce VoxBox

So I got an awesome Box in the mail from Infuenster. It's an amazing app that lets you try free products and you just have to test and  review them honestly.

Thanks, Me!

Buffalo Dip!

In the spirit of Thanksgiving and posting what I'm thankful for I've decided to write this post. As usual, it's been a minute since my last confession as life, work, family, the gym, and everything have simply gotten in the way. In the way of what? Well, quite frankly,in the way of ME.

So, as odd as it may sound, today, I am thankful for me. Yap, in case you missed it, here it is again: I. Am. Thankful. For. Me!! Of course, I'm thankful for my life, my health, my family, my friends, etc., I've just noticed I've been ignoring the person who matters most. Me! I can't be anything to anyone if I don't take care of myself first.

As I sit here, on Thanksgiving, alone, watching the pilot episode of "Girls" I'm thinking, "I need more of this!" I'm eating tortilla chips and buffalo dip.

While, a big part of taking care of me is cleaning up my diet (more on this later) I'm taking some "me" time right now. I worked out hard this morning and I love just sitting here watching TV. 

I've learned a lot about myself this past year. All of these things are just a part of who I am and I've learned that that's ok. I'm the perfect me that I can be. I'm more than okay with being a work in progress. I'll always work to be my best, at any given time, wherever/whenever that may be. 

I'm writing this because I don't think people understand me. I've tried explaining it but I don't think I've been clear. So, for those of you who are here for the first time or you've known me more, here I am:

1. I try to live in the moment and often fail.  

Last year, or this year... anyway, I cancelled a trip to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. Erika and I needed a vacation, even a short one, and I cancelled my flight because of a case, I thought, I needed to handle. I could've gone but I didn't. I didn't because that's just how I am. I worry so much about everything, all the time. I'm the oldest of 5 kids. It's my job to worry about them and my family, my work, people's feelings, time, the meaning of life, and everything. I just do. Nothing you say will change that. Here are things to NOT say to me:

"Your siblings are negative comment." I love them. 

"Your family is negative comment." Again, I love them.

"Your work will always be there you need to live a little." I have ginormous goals. Go away. 

"Who cares about so and so?" Me, that's who. 

"You can do that tomorrow." Really? Imagine if everyone said that about everything?

, 

Even if I stop worrying for a while, it'll always come back. It's how I am and I love who I am. I have a trip to Disney planned after Christmas. If I make it through that without calling/texting/IMing Brandon it'll be a miracle.

2. While my ADD/ADHD doesn't define me I accept that it's a part of me. A wonderful part that makes me creative, adventurous and ambitious. 

A few years I was diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. More the ADD, less the Hyperactivity part. In really basic terms, my brain is everywhere, all the time. Focusing is difficult and my attention tends to wander if I don't concentrate or I'm bored. I'm working on it. Lists and schedules help a little. Trying to make things habits helps a ton. I like my schedule because it keeps me organized. Here's what it is: Workout, Work, Sleep. That's it.  It takes me longer than some people to finish projects and I struggle with organization. My schedule is designed to help me keep on top of things. It's not to limit myself from people but sometimes it feels like that to people. If I ever tell you to talk to Brandon about something it's because he manages my calendar. I'm not being a diva, not yet anyway, I just wont remember stuff until it passes.

That being said, some of my most brilliant legal strategies/arguments and marketing/business ideas, come from moments where I'm in a panda suit drinking wine.

3. I NEED the gym and I NEED to eat healthy.

Part of what makes me feel good is structure; however,I thrive in organized chaos. That means structure with a sprinkle or so of adventure.So I work out and I try to eat as healthy as possible with the occasional cider and cupcake. 

The gym fam.

I'm a woman.  I struggle with body image issues. No one just gets over the shit people say to you when you're growing up. I was so unhealthy. Eating disorders, obesity, and stress all impact your body and body image. I'm in a good place now and I'm not going to apologize for taking care of myself with exercise. I prioritize the gym over other things like dinner with friends because it makes me feel good. It keeps me energized for work. It makes me happy.

It's called balance. 

I try to eat clean. Maybe you think eating clean or paleo or whatever I'm doing that specific day is dumb or doesn't make sense. Go fuck yourself. It's my body. I can do whatever I want. If I want to go on the cupcake diet, I can. Unless, I'm paying you to coach me, and there's only one person that I'm currently doing that to, I don't need any advice from you. Ok? Ok! Believe me, I eat shitty sometimes. However,that usually blows up in my face, makes my stomach hurt and makes my workout suck the next few days. God knows I love sweets and new foods but I'll do that when I want to.  It's just usually not worth it. 

4. I love my job and want to work.

Do I want to work all the hours I work? No. I work for two main reasons: 1) I have ambitious goals and 2) I love helping people.  Friends and family always say I work too much. That I need a break. While I totally understand where they are coming from and I know that they are just worried about me or miss me, please understand that it makes me feel bad and guilty about cancelling plans or not hanging out.

I know it's been a while but I'm trying to build something here. I don't just have one business, I have 5-10. Ideas coming and going. Projects started and needing attention. I'm not just a lawyer, I'm an entrepreneur.  I'm not just working for me, I'm doing it for my family and our future. That's my main motivator. Here's a good story about why.

When I was in 6th grade I went to a great school where for 1 weekend, in October, we could go to Camp for the entire weekend. It cost  $50 and everything was included! Food, fun with friends, games, horses, camping and a whole weekend without my siblings and responsibilities. What an adventure! Everyone talked about it before and after the trip! Biggest thing of the year. I didn't get to go on the trip because it was too expensive. I didn't get to do a lot of things when I was a kid because of that. I totally understood why I couldn't go on trips  or play the flute (you have to rent those if you can't buy one out right). That's just how it was growing up.  

I paid for my own homecoming dresses, shoes and hair and a lot of other things that I wanted/needed. That is completely OK with me as its a big reason that I am who I am, today. But, that doesn't mean I've forgotten those things or that I don't worry about ever being like that again.  I constantly see people that can lose what they have any moment. So, I work. I work for me. I work for my family, because I want to. 

I also love helping my clients. I am good at what I do and I'm a fighter. What I do could help someone get their kid out of a bad situation, help someone protect a family member and/or just relieve a client's stressful situation. It matters!  

5. I am a hard worker.

I work hard because I worry and I have these amazing goals. It's just who I am. I'm an all or nothing kind of person. If I'm in, I'm all in (ask my friends I gambled with in Spain). I don't half ass anything. So, when I'm working it's not because I was partying the night before, it's because I want to do a good job. 

6. I need time to myself and that's ok.

My job is people. I talk to people all the time, every day. I also work a lot. I mean; a lot. Like "stay up until 4am trial prepping and taking a 1 hour power nap before trial," a lot. This leads to me being tired. A lot. My family is my life. I take care of my niece and she's awesome. She's also brilliant and WAY smarter than me so she can be exhausting. I don't even have her all the time!

I also workout, a lot. Which leads to more tired. Do you see a theme? I'm freaking tired!

My free time is just that, mine. Sometimes, I want to Netflix and chill, by myself. Sometimes, I'm always gonna pick the gym over people. (See what I did there?) You know why? Because people are selfish. Even when they mean well, they'll come over and talk to me and want something from me, like cookies or a drink or conversation.  Sometimes, I want to lie on my couch and eat paleo cookies and not feel guilty that I don't have Oreos to share with you. Sometimes, I just want to not feel like I need to be a good host and get you a glass of water. Sometimes, I don't want to use my brain and talk to anyone. 

7. I'm an people pleaser and need to say, "no" more often.

Hitting up on number 6. I have been saying "no" more often but I'm a people pleaser. I promise, you'd rather have happy Mayra than sleepy, grumpy Mayra. If you make the latter Mayra come out, she'll hate you. 

8. I'm always going to love food and be chubby and that's ok as long as I'm strong AS FUCK. 

That's kinda it on that one. Apparently, cleaner eating helps with it. It does... lame, I know.


 If you got this far, thank you for being in my life. I love me. I love you. I'm thankful that we can be in each others lives and I'd love nothing more than to just see your wonderful faces. Just remember if I'm ignoring you, it's not that I don't care, I've probably just forgotten, or I'm juggling terribly or I'm tired.  Nothing personal just trying to take care of me, right now, and I hope that's ok. :)

Transformation Sunday: From Chalk to Glitta

I love glitter.

You know why? Because it makes me happy. It’s colorful. It sticks to everything as a reminder to shine. It's beautiful. So, why am I the GlittaKilla? Because I kill some weight while being colorful, shiny, and beautiful duh!

So, today (8/12/2014) was a crazy day, I worked out at 9AM practicing Strongman events for my FIRST Strongman competition. To say I’m pumped about it is an understatement. It’s another marker to see how far along I’ve traveled on this fitness/health journey. I never thought I’d be where I am today.

It was hard to admit that I needed help with my fitness. Almost a year ago I was in a place I really shouldn’t have been.  I’d run a half marathon, did a small triathlon, had done countless 5k/10ks and had done Tae Kwon Do. I thought I was fit.  But none of it was enough. I was always tired and wasn’t strong. My times in my races weren’t improving and I was HUGE. I wasn’t training correctly AND I wasn’t fueling my body correctly. I was treating my body as a garbage can instead of an engine that needed to be taken care of.

I started my Crossfit training in November of 2012. I walked in and had an hour long session with Kim Wilkes of Crossfit St. Charles. It took me almost 10mins to finish the “baseline” work out.

The Baseline workout is: 500m row, 40 squats, 30 situps, 20 push up and 10 pull ups. I couldn’t do the pull ups (It's cool I subbed ring rows) and my push-ups were on my knees. I don’t even know what my squats looked like. Actually I do... like this:

It was a slow start with lots of beginnings and endings. I’d go hardcore to the gym, stop, and then have to start all over again. I was seeing results but I wasn’t motivated enough to stick to the programing and I wasn’t eating correctly.

The amazing part about Crossfit St. Charles is that it has the most amazing people; something for everyone. You want to do Strongman? Done! Olympic Lifting? Done! Gymnastics? Done! Nutrition Coaching? Boom, you got it! But Mayra, What about Stretching and Mobility? Well, of course!!! I feel like Oprah; “You get a class! You get a class!...”

Anyway, it’s true. Crossfit St. Charles has something for everyone AND the coaches that teach the classes are even better!

Well, I started training with my coach, Paul Cegon, in September 2013. Let’s just say, despite my sparkling and bubbly personality, I need someone to call me out on my shit and push me. Paul did not let me make excuses. I couldn’t be “too busy” or “too sore.” It was all part of the training. Just do it. Paul knows where I am, what I can do, when to push me and when to pull back. This is the type of training you get at Crossfit St. Charles.

So, on my first day Paul had me do body weight squats on the curb. My form was horrible, I couldn’t get down low, and I kept falling off. I couldn’t do much. I felt like everything I did was modified and the weights were low. I’ve never been a quitter and I wasn’t going to quit this (especially since I was paying for the “torture’) but it sucked. It sucked balls. Big. Hairy. Sweaty balls.

I stuck with it. Paul never let me “sandbag” the WOD. He pushed me every time I met with him. I’ve wanted to throw things at him. I can’t because I’m usually too tired (well-played Paul). I cuss every day that I’m there. I cuss at the world. I cuss at Paul and when I can move my arms, I flip him off every now and then.  It takes me a while to get up. Did I get good workouts? HELL YES!

Paul is amazing. He can tell where you are that day, week, month, etc. Every day is tailored to your strengths and weaknesses with your underlying goals. That was Paul’s first question to me. “What are you goals? What do you want to get out of this?” I told him I wanted to be strong and lose weight but that I wanted to compete in Crossfit competitions. I told him I wasn’t going to be a famous Crossfit athlete but I just wanted to feel strong and be able to go to a competition and not finish last.

Now, I just feel better. I know I’m a strong person mentally and emotionally. Now I just have the physical part down too. The confidence that comes with getting stronger, faster and lifting heavy shit is indescribable. You just walk taller. You don’t care about anyone’s opinion. Praise me. Hate me. Talk shit. I don’t care. Just be you. It’s peaceful really.

The main thing I’ve learned was the importance of diet. Paul walked me through my entire food plan. This man made me start a food log. He asked me every day about my food intake. I knew I had to be honest because I’d only be cheating myself. Man did I pay some days. Man did I feel great most days. Diet is everything!!!

If I ever have a question I know I can ask him. I know I post a lot about what I do and don’t eat. What I do want and “cant.” I’m a grown woman. I know I can eat whatever I’m craving. I don’t WANT to eat it. I post about it to complain and to hold myself accountable. I joke about Paul “seeing” all the bad food I eat but that’s just so he can remind me that what I eat the night before will make my workout the next morning SHITTY. Fueling your body properly MATTERS. I still eat cupcakes and pasta. I just don’t eat it ALL the time. I used to think I could eat almost anything I wanted because I ran/walked occasionally. Nope. That is false. Eating dessert after almost every day, doesn’t compensate for an hour of jogging every other day. 

Plus, the physical aspects are amazing. I can climb a rope. I can run faster than ever (and we hardly run). I can do wall walks. I’ve competed in a Crossfit competition and didn’t come in last place! I am signed up to compete in a Strongman competition in less than a month away. I’m competing in ANOTHER Crossfit Competition. I wear booty shorts and tank tops! I look good and I’m happy! LOL.

There are memes about Crossfit obsessed people.

I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. I LOVE CROSSFIT. I drank the Kool-aid and it was delicious. All I do is work and workout and I LOVE IT. I’m focusing on me now and that’s ok. It’s something that I hope to do the rest of my life. I will train with Paul until I can be accountable to myself.

Well, almost a year later, I have lost over 75lbs. I’ve lost over 20 inches (from my hips, waist and chest). I went from a tight size 20 to a size 10 (the ladies will get this reference). Basically a XXL to a M. Most importantly I’ve gotten a helluva lot stronger, both mentally and physically.

Crossfit has definitely pushed me physically. It’s also pushed mentally. I just think if I can push through that heavy weight or WOD from the day before then I can do anything! I. Can. Do. Anything.

Last, but most definitely not least I want to thank all the people who have helped me get to where I am today:

Kim Wilkes: Like I’ve said multiple times: What you’ve created in that gym is insane. Walking in there the first day to do baseline was intimidating and scary BUT there was no way that, after having that first session with you, I wasn’t coming back. I am truly addicted to this sport for multiple reasons. 1) the Family that is the Box, 2) the variety of classes so that we are well rounded athletes, and 3) your coaches are amazing!

Paul Cegon, your constant expectations and encouragement of my best always have me pushing my limits, cussing you out, and getting stronger. I would not be where I am right now without you. You have helped this Unicorn sparkle. I mean you did let me play Backstreet Boys to encourage me. We should go back to that! :D

Jeremy and Crystal Pickett: You guys have created an awesome brand and idea. Black Legion's mentality is amazing! I’ve never cared less about what people think about me since I’ve met you. Jeremy you’re an awesome coach that makes me feel like I can lift anything.

Ingrid Hurley: You are an amazing coach and an even better friend. Women like you make me feel so empowered and there’s nothing like the feeling of walking out of your Pilates class feeling at peace.

MikeSidwell: You have definitely increased my love for Strongman. Jeremy lit the fire but you poured gasoline all over it. Thanks for the excellent coaching. I can’t wait for Columbia. Last but not least

Crossfit St. Charles: You guys rock! Thanks for the fist pumps, chalk buckets, yelling, cussing, bullshitting, a listening ear, a helping hand, and all the other shit that comes with a Crossfit family. I would most definitely not be here without you guys. Thanks for noticing the changes, constant encouragement and the take no prisoners mentality. Thank you for the emotional support when I needed it and for just being there for me. Specifically, to the Crossfit Ladies: Y’all are some strong, ass, bitches!! I love how we push each other, don’t give a shit about what other people think and just train to get stronger. Regardless of where you are I want to be like you. We all contribute something to inspire each other and I love that we push each other.

Love,

GlittaKilla

30 years and 8 days old, The Good, the Bad and the Balancing Act

I’m sitting here this morning (9:51am), at my kitchen counter, contemplating what I have to get done in the short amount of hours I have today. I just received a text message from a client saying it was “URGENT and had to be fixed TODAY.” Legally speaking it isn’t urgent and it doesn’t have to be fixed today. It’s urgent because she thinks, in her life, at this moment, it’s urgent. This client contacts our firm EVERYDAY with information, concerns and issues that don’t matter to their case. Their case goes to trial in mid-September – all she is doing is creating more work for me (which costs her more money), when I could be preparing her trial. Ok, rant over on that.

So, I’m now 30 years and 8 days old. (When I started this I was, now I’m at 30 and 18 days ;D) I’m so “old,” right?! Just kidding!  :D I’m actually ok with turning 30. I love waking up early to go work out, I love working, and my career is going great. I recently got divorced so my personal life was crazy earlier this year but I’m in a good place. For the first time, I’m happy just being me. Am I perfect? I’d like to think so. I’m just kidding… kinda… ok, no really, I’m far from perfect but I think the person I am is pretty awesome. I’m finally at a point in my life where I’m physically healthy. Even more than I was in high school. I feel strong, confident and I have extracurricular activities that are AMAZING!

I have an amazing group of family and friends. I’ve met new people; some I wish I hadn't while others I’m happy to bring them into this adventure called: Mayra's life.

This is a common occurrence in my life. I get text messages, voice mails, emails, Facebook messages, and other forms of communication at various times of the day/night, weekends, holidays; ALL THE TIME. I often get asked by older attorneys why I don’t have work/life balance? Why would I give my cell phone to clients? Can’t you just shut off your phone? Don’t respond.

Here’s the answer. I am building a business. Not just an ok law firm in St. Charles where I can work in the surrounding counties. I want to build a multi-state law practice. Not just a firm that practices law in Illinois and Missouri but one that practices law in Texas, California, New York, EVERYWHERE. Could I be successful just in Missouri or Only in Illinois and Missouri? Of course! But that’s not all I want! I didn’t work my ass off, take on massive amounts of student loans and lose a marriage so that I could be satisfied with ok. Some attorneys only want their small practice and that is ok; for them. Not for me.

 I get so pissed off thinking about this. How is it fair to question my work/life balance? I’m young, barely 3 years into my profession and a woman. I have to work, at least, twice as hard for people to take me seriously, to value my opinion and to give me the opportunity to show them what I can do.  I don’t think most people that ask me(really, it’s tell me) about work/life balance  remember what it was like to start a law practice, don’t understand what it’s like to be a young, female attorney, and/or don’t have the same goals that I have.

I give client’s my cell number because I’m not in the office all the time. Also, I practice a lot of law that might have situations come up at night, weekends, etc. The police don’t just arrest you between 8-5, M-F.

I work all the time because I’m not just working on the legal issues of a case; I’m also managing a business. I have expenses, employees, payroll, taxes, accounts receivable and every other issue that comes with a business. Then I network. I spend time with other attorneys because my firm doesn't practice everything. It’s also good to find other attorneys that you can refer work to or use if you need a Guardian ad Litem or a Mediator.

In the next few years I want to have an office in at least 5 states. How am I going to do that? By working my ass off; sacrificing what I might want short term (boyfriend, kids, etc.) for a long term goal. People ask me when I’m going to have kids? When will I date seriously? When will I remarry? Do you want to be all alone? Is that something you’d ask a male attorney who wanted to do the same thing? No. I get asked so many questions just because I’m a woman. When I was married it was, “What does your husband think?” “Doesn’t he want kids?” My ex-husband was very supportive in the beginning.  The reason we got divorced was more than just my working. But the bottom line is my ex-husband didn’t want the same things I wanted. Do older men ask male attorneys about their work/life balance? No. 

Now, that I’m single I get asked, “How are you going to date if you’re constantly work?” “How/when are you going to have kids? My answers are always the same. “Dating isn’t a priority for me, right now. At least not with men that don't understand what I want in life. Besides, I don’t have time for anything serious, with someone who isn't going to support my goals. If it’s (a relationship or anything else) going to happen, it’ll happens.” Also, “You don’t need to be married to have kids.” and “I’ll have kids when I’m ready.” I also throw in the joke that I have a friend who is willing to help me out, in that area, if I am not married and have kids by the age of 35. LOL!

Unless I’m asking you for advice, which I rarely do, I don’t need to know about my lack of work/life balance. On my trip to San Antonio, as I sat across the table from my niece and nephew I thought, “Hey, I should have one of these right now. Where did I go so wrong in my life that my marriage failed and I don’t have a kid yet. I knew we were ready. I know, I’m ready now.” Could I jump into it now? Of course! After I got done feeling sorry for myself (A momentary lapse) I realized, I don’t want a kid now. If I were pregnant today would I keep it? No. My baby, right now, is my law firm. While I am sad occasionally at my decisions, I don’t regret them. They have all made me who I am today. So, don’t worry about me. I am very happy with my life and I’ll be ok. At least until I’m 35! LOL. ;)

Mayra's Back! Again! LOL.... :/

So....

I've decided to return to Tae Kwon Do (TKD) for, what feels like, the one billionth time. Whoa, I'm not quitting Crossfit! I'm just adjusting my schedule! Sheesh, calm down, lol! Ok, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic (that's how I roll)  but I started TKD in September of 2006 and then, different things (excuses) have caused me to quit, go back, quit... repeat. 

I LOVE TKD. I mean, LOOOOOOOOVE it! The classes are fun, the people are great, and there are so many benefits!

I always wanted to do a martial art (specifically Karate) when I was a kid but my family could never afford it. When I "grew up" I decided I was going to join a school where a friend attended. I went to observe a class at the Lyndell Institute. I went to just watch an hour class. The style they teach is Chung Do Kwan TKD. It is very similar to Shotokan Karate. After class, I was invited to do the class. I thought, "Are they nuts? I've never done this before." I was a junior in college, 22 years old and just wanted to "check it out." LOL. Well, never one to back out of a challenge, I did the class. I've been hooked ever since. 

I was so nervous. You have so many different levels, ages of people, traditions, and they are speaking Korean! A bit intimidating? Nope! Sharon and Jamie were amazing! The values they teach at the school make you feel comfortable with everyone. Nice and/or encouraging are not accurate enough descriptions of the environment they've created. It was so easy to do my first class and so easy to join. I never felt like I was holding anyone back and I received the individual attention I needed. I never looked back after that first class. 

The classes are fun. Everyone can have their own goals and still get something out of the class. The classes are structured in a certain fashion but are never the same. You are pushed as far as you want and then a little more. Your goals can range from working out to therapeutic; TKD is for everyone! The classes are great regardless of your fitness level and the instructors know how to cater to your teaching needs, both physically and mentally. I, personally, love being pushed beyond my limits and picking at the details. I think the instructors at TKD both get and do that for me. If you process information differently, they can do that as well. Plus, you're working with great people in class. 

High ranks, help lower ranks. If you don't get something, it's ok. We're all there to learn something. At one moment or another everyone struggles with something. Yet, I have NEVER seen anyone get made fun of due to not knowing what to do or how to do something. These people aren't just your classmates, or workout buddies, they are and will become family. I've never been judged for quitting or given any crap for my excuses. I'm just welcomed back every time. No questions asked. If you need something in or outside of class, someone is going to help you.

In addition to the classes and people there are so many benefits. I get  cardio, stretching, and stress relief. TKD is therapy. I walk in and leave life at the door. I can laugh, hangout, work hard, and talk to people about anything. I also LOVE to spar. The confidence and self esteem comes with your training and it's just amazing to see how everything you learn in class not only serves a purpose it translates into your everyday life. 

As with anything you do; you get out what you put in. So, here's my attempt at putting into TKD what I want to get out of it. To all my TKD friends and family, please feel free to "make/encourage" me go to class. At this point, I'm excited to go back. I don't want that to go away. So, maybe my first goal should just be to get to class. Blow up my phone, Facebook, whatever because, this matters so much to me. :) I know there are many TKD schools out there but I LOVE where I train. It's not just a business; it's a FAMILY. 

It's funny; my Crossfit gym and TKD school are so similar but so different. I am very lucky to have found both places. I need both to be the person I am because they fulfill different needs in my life. Crossfit has done so much for me and I can NEVER give that up. However, when I realized TKD had a 5:15am class I was pumped! I've changed my Personal Training days and I'm ready to go. Occasionally, I can't make it due to Court in the morning but I'll figure it out. I always do! 

Dating 101.... Ummmm... I think I'm doing it wrong...

In the past few weeks I've ventured into the dating world. Some people are shocked that it's so soon after I got divorced but I think my divorce was inevitable. Andy and I lived as roommates and friends for the longest time. I've mentioned it to a couple of people but my divorce was cathartic. I feel freer, lighter and just plain happy.

Anyway, last week, I mentioned that I was meeting people online. Whether you agree with online dating, dating in a more traditional way or something different, it  doesn't matter. The issues are still going to be the same. You never really know a person until you've spent a decent amount of time with them. Everyone has the persona that they are when they meet new people.

I know I say this all the time, it's cause I really mean it, but my friends are amazing. Here are some rules I've been told and I'll tell you what I think or how I've f'ed it up. They aren't in any particular order and are by no means all of them. These are just some that stick out.

1. Meet in a public place for the first time. (So, I did this every time except once.... well, we met in my neighborhood and went for a run so it's kinda public....plus, he was hot) Ok, so that was totally dumb but I'm learning. Plus, I trusted my gut. I know I shouldn't have done that; so, I wont.

2. Dont give out personal information. Ok, so I'm not very clever so when I created my account for one website I used my last name for the user name but "hid" my first name. However, when people ask for your first name and then your username is your last name it's dumb. Also, I'm kinda famous on the internet. LOL. Overall, keep some stuff for yourself until you get to know people. I mean, leave a little mystery!

3. Don't go boy (or girl) crazy. In other words, when you are online there seem to be an endless "supply" of people. Don't just start talking to everyone. Doing that leads to being overwhelmed and you end up wasting time on people you wouldn't have been interested in. The idea is to make a list of the criteria you want and then do some research. The profiles are there for a reason. Just because you are physically attracted to someone doesn't mean you'll like them, as you get to know them better.

The less mess and hassle the easier it'll be to manage your time, dates and people.

4. Know what you're looking for in this process. This kinda of goes with No.3. Whether or certain qualities you're looking for or even the type of relationship you're interested you need to know what you want and not be afraid to ask for it, look for it, and find it! Don't be afraid to make the list of what you want. That way you can weed through the endless "Hi!" messages.

This is by no means an end all be all list. This isn't even the most important lessons I've learned but it is a little glimpse into Mayra's brain. I only put this out there so y'all can see what's up AND as some therapy for this noggin of mine.

Note: Since I started writing this blog on Tuesday, April 8 and now, Sunday April 13, I shut down my two profiles. It was just too much to do, for now. No worries, I'm still dating it'll just be like I stepped back to the 1990s. I wonder if I can find a boombox to follow me around playing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGXzlRoNtHU.

Crazy Weirdos

 So, Mayra Flesner is now dating. Yup, drink it up. See what kind of crazy shenanigans I'll get myself into! :D How am I meeting these people you ask? That's a good question. I meet them on online dating sites. I have no qualms about doing this because this is how it works now a days.  There are two websites: Plenty of Fish (PoF) and OKCupid (OkC). So, I'm online because I'm always working and the only people I see are attorneys. We all suck (lawyers) so I figured I'd throw myself into the unsuspecting way of a nice, normal, guy.

Also, I'd like to say that I'm not dating to get re-married quickly or to fool around or whatever. I'm just hanging out with people. I'm having fun, no real expectations, and am seeing where it takes me. If I find the "love of my life," ok. If I meet a new friend; perfect! If nothing comes from it, that's a-ok! :)

There is so much that I apparently didn't know about dating. Especially online dating. I've been out of the scene for so long that everything has kinda changed. So it generally goes like this:

1. People find a person that they think they would get along with or are attracted to and message that person.
2. After a sufficient amount (socially acceptable) of messaging it either fades away or you move to the awesome part of giving them your number!
3. Then you text and in some instances, talk on the phone! Talking is pretty old school but I love it! It makes me feel like I'm 15 all over again. LOL.
4. If you make it past that... then you might meet!

Steps 1-3; I'm solid. It's the meeting part that I struggle in. I have to make an effort to meet up with people I don't know and don't have a real emotional connection with; albeit yet. My schedule sucks. I'm sure it's all my fault for not really making an effort but people can be pretty impatient. Some people are really patient and those guys are very nice!

So the blog this week is about the guys I've met. It hasn't been terrible. I'm not writing this to complain. I'm genuinely wondering what the fuck is going on here! I want to be clear. I have personally met some REALLY nice, cool people but unfortunately, that's not very interesting to people. LOL. I'm also wondering if there's anything to do about the crazies. Like, how do I get them to go away without being mean or an Order of Protection (J/K... but seriously).

So, I've gone out with a few guys and some have been fun and great, some are awkward and others I wonder how they managed to fool me into thinking they were normal.

They range in ages from 24 to 36. Their levels of education range from high school graduates to masters degrees. Anyway, the point is that the weirdos seem to outnumber the fun, nice and normal ones. Here are just a few examples of things that have been said or done:

• "Don't fuck up something that could be great. We are so close to fucking this up.... (after 2 dates)"
• Constant phone calls and texts, per hour, while I'm working, 8-5pm. (After hours is different.)
• Getting mad at me for working all the time. (My profile specifically says I work ALL THE TIME and that it's my main priority!
• "If you're not getting it from me, then you gotta be getting it from someone else." (What?! Just because I'm not having sex with you doesn't mean that I'm having sex with everyone else!)

Those are just a few of the winners. So, this just sounds crazy, right?! I mean we don't even know each other that well. 

Anyway, again, some of these guys are great. I do want to give credit where credit is due. I've had some really nice guys who have planned some awesome date.

Maybe, I'm the weird one since I don't know how it goes. I'll continue to post updates about my adventures and ya'll can tell me whether I'm crazy or not!

Next time I write, I'll talk more about the dating rules and what I've learned!