I’m typing this with a bit of a wine hangover ( I'm coherent I just have a small headache) but I just
need to get this out. Please be aware that this post will be a ton of
ramblings.
Andy and I are getting a divorce. I’m devastated. I’m losing
my best friend and the person who was everything to me for the past 13 years. That
being said, I know it’s time to move on. While I didn’t know Andy and I were at
this place in our lives I’ve come to terms with the decision to split up.
While I share everything with the internet; I’m sharing this
as a way to tell the people we know and to deal with my feelings on the issue.
I know I’ll be ok, but I’m still hurting. I’m adjusting as fast and as best as
I can. I still cry when I think about this and I am sad that I don’t get to
keep my best friend and companion of 13 years. While Andy and I are both at fault
for this I can’t help but want to put all the blame on myself. What could I
have done to prevent this? Why can’t we work this out? Why didn’t I appreciate
him more? I’m sure this is all normal and part of the process but I need to
mentally deal with it myself. Andy was
the first and only person I trusted with every part of me. To lose that is devastating
and difficult.
Not only am I sad about everything I’m scared. I’ve never
had to be on my own. I’ve always had Andy there to help me through everything;
to comfort me. Now I have to live on my own, manage my life on my own and deal
with things on my own. Lots of first. I’ve been with Andy since I was 16 years
old. He’s been my rock, my support system and my best friend. I truly would not
be who I am today if I hadn’t been with him.
My friends and family have been great. I keep getting your messages,
calls and texts of support. I want everyone to know that I appreciate it and I
love you all. You are what keeps me grounded during this time. I’m going to
keep working hard and go to Crossfit and process this. I don’t want anyone to
be mean to Andy or say anything bad to him. If I can’t have him be my husband I’d
rather have him be my friend than lose him entirely. Andy is an amazing person
and I wish him nothing but happiness and the best in the future. I’m not saying that, from time to time, I don’t
want to punch him in the face or that I don’t think about him crashing into a
cement median on the highway but I don’t want anyone to be mean or angry with
him on my behalf.
Lot of people have told me that being friends with your
ex-spouse is impossible. I’m hoping that’s not true. Andy still wants to
Crossfit and I don’t want to take that away from him. There is no fucking way I’m
giving up my gym and he shouldn’t have to give it up either. That’s where we go
to de-stress and to be with family. While it’ll be weird at first I hope we can
eventually go to classes and competitions together.
So, here I am writing, with a small headache and a broken
heart. I’m at the point in everything where I feel I’ve lost the love of my
life and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m just processing it and I think
at this point I’m going to just do what I do best; work my ass off and
Crossfit. Thank god I have Crossfit!
No comments:
Post a Comment